Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.

While we're waiting for a cab I'll give you your lesson for today. Don't listen to what your teachers tell ya, you know. Don't pay attention. Just, just see what they look like and that's how you'll know what life is really gonna be like.

Where I grew up in Brooklyn, nobody committed suicide. Everyone was too unhappy.

I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member.

Life is a tragedy filled with suffering and despair and yet some people do manage to avoid jury duty.

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?