Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.

I can't even make a leap of faith to believe in my own existence.

Inertia accounts for two-thirds of marriages. But love accounts for the other third.

I don't think my film style has changed. I'm doing the same kind of jokes I did when I was younger.

I don't want to be immortal through my works. I want to be immortal by not dying.

Can you believe that? She says I'm not leader enough for her. Who was she looking for... Hitler?

There is no advantage getting older. You don't get smarter, you don't get wiser, you don't get more mellow, you don't get more kindly, nothing good happens. Your back hurts more, you get more indigestion, your eyesight isn't as good, you need a hearing aid. It's a bad business getting old and I would advise you not to do it if you can avoid it. It doesn't have a romantic quality.