Problems are like toilet paper. You pull on one and ten more come.

How the hell do I know why there were Nazis? I don't know how the can-opener works.

And in all of Babylonia there was wailing and gnashing of teeth, 'til the prophets bade the multitudes get a grip on themselves and shape up.

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

Last year I had difficulty with my income tax. I tried to take my analyst off as a business deduction. The Government said it was entertainment. We compromised finally and made it a religious contribution.

I was thrown out of NYU for cheating-with the deans wife

In the event of war, I'm a hostage.