As a boy, I was ashamed to wear glasses. I memorized the eye chart, and then on the test they asked essay questions.

I got a divorce because my ex-wife left me for another woman.

Nothing like a little post-traumatic stress disorder to make your day complete.

I can't minimize the terror factor. As you get older you get more and more frightened because the terrible indignities of old age become closer to you.

Some people want to achieve immortality through their works or their descendants. I prefer to achieve immortality by not dying.

Standing in a garage no more makes you a car than standing in a church makes you a Christian.

I should go to Paris and jump off of the Eiffel Tower. If I took the Concorde, I could be dead three hours earlier.