I loathed every day and regret every moment I spent in a school.

I know of only six genuine comic geniuses in movie history; Charlie Chaplin, Buster Keaton, Groucho Marx & Harpo Marx, Peter Sellers, and W.C. Fields.

I never considered myself an artist. I aspire to be an artist, but I never thought I had the depth or substance or gift to be an artist. I do think I have some talent, but it doesn't go as far as being an artist.

The audience goes to sleep really quickly! If you have a slight pause at the wrong time, that's it!

I heard that Commentary and Dissent had merged and formed Dysenery.

They were doing the Dying Swan at the ballet. And there was a rumor that some bookmarkers had drifted into town from upstate New York and that they had fixed the bullet. There was a lot of money bet on the swan to live.

I believe people ought to mate for life...like pigeons or Catholics.