I feel humor is important for those two reasons: that it is a little bit of refreshment like music, and that women have told me over the years that it is very, very important to them.

I've had bad luck in my two previous marriages. The first wife left me, and the second did not. ­

All people know the same truth. Our lives consist of how we choose to distort it.

The key point about a demonstration is that it must be seen. Hence the term "demonstration." If a person demonstrates privately in his own home, this is not technically a demonstration but merely "acting silly" or "behaving like an ass.

I feel that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. That's the two categories. The horrible are like, I don't know, terminal cases, you know, and blind people, crippled. I don't know how they get through life. It's amazing to me. And the miserable is everyone else. So you should be thankful that you're miserable, because that's very lucky, to be miserable.

I don't get depressed; I grow a tumor instead.

I can't understand why more people aren't bisexual. It would double your chances for a date on Saturday night.