The whole thrust of science and the medical profession is to try and prevent it from happening, to try to prolong life, to keep you from dying, to keep you from getting older, to rejuvenate you. I mean, that's everybody's wish. The fountain of youth is everybody's sought-after thing.

Those modern analysts, they charge so much! In my day, for five marks Freud himself would treat you. For ten marks he would treat you and press your pants. For fifteen marks Freud would let you treat him - that included a choice of any two vegetables.

No matter what the shrinks, or the pundits, or the self-help books tell you, when it comes to love, it's luck.

I can't enjoy anything unless everybody is. If one guy is starving someplace, that puts a crimp in my evening.

There's nothing wrong with you that a little Prozac and a polo mallet can't cure.

When I'm writing something, if there's a part that's good for me, then I'll play it. Otherwise, I don't. And I notice that there are less and less parts for me in my own writing.

Chastity is curable, if detected early.