Someday the lion is going to lie down with the lamb, but the lamb isn't going to get much sleep.

I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go down and meet them with baseball bats. (On the KKK)

I loathed every day and regret every day I spent in school. I like to be taught to read and write and add and then be left alone.

I have one last request. Don't use embalming fluid on me; I want to be stuffed with crab meat.

If it turns out that there is a God...the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.

Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.

Arlene and I have to get a divorce. She thinks I'm a pervert because I drank our water bed.