Rather than live on in the hearts and minds of my fellow man, I would rather live on in my apartment.

The prettiest women are almost always the most boring, and that is why some people feel there is no God.

He's a politician. That's a notch below child molester.

I did not marry the first girl that I fell in love with, because there was a tremendous religious conflict, at the time. She was an atheist, and I was an agnostic.

I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage is being able to make a right turn on a red light.

I'm not a big believer in the sense of Jews having a monopoly on comedy.

Standard mathematics has recently been rendered obsolete by the discovery that for years we have been writing the numeral five backward. This has led to reevaluation of counting as a method of getting from one to ten. Students are taught advanced concepts of Boolean algebra, and formerly unsolvable equations are dealt with by threats of reprisals.