When I was born my mother was terribly disappointed. Not that she wanted a girl - she wanted a divorce.

God, you Jews are truly exotic." Exotic? She should only know the Greenblatts. Or Mr. and Mrs. Milton Sharpstein, my father's friends. Or for that matter, my cousin Tovah. Exotic? I mean, they're nice, but hardly exotic with their endless bickering over the best way to combat indigestion or how far back to sit from the television set.

Eternity is really long, especially near the end.

When it comes to sex there are certain things that should always be left unknown, and with my luck, they probably will be.

The great roe is a mythological beast with the head of a lion and the body of a lion, though not the same lion.

My ex-wife was a philosophy major at NYU. Yeah, she and I used to have deep philosophical discussions where she would prove that I didn't exist.

I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot