Sex and death. Two things that come but once in my lifetime, but at least after death you're not nauseous.

Man was made in God`s image. Do you really think God has red hair and glasses?

Please forgive me. My pedicurist had a stroke. She fell forward onto the orange stick and plunged it into my toe. It required bandaging.

I'm not a big believer in the sense of Jews having a monopoly on comedy.

You are always a comedian by default. You are this way because you've been forced to be this way, but it is better to be the hero. So if you can be a persona, the great one of my lifetime of course was and is Marlon Brando.

The artist's job is not to succumb to despair but to find an antidote for the emptiness of existence.

If you're not failing, you're not trying anything.