Your audience teaches you how to be funny.

Abysmal vermin that I am, I couldn't of course tell her that it was her incredible mother that I wanted to see again… I knew only as I drove through the cold, night autumn air that somewhere Freud, Sophocles and Eugene O’Neill were laughing.

Astronomers say the universe is finite, which is a comforting thought for those people who can't remember where they leave things.

You'll find as you go through life that great depth and smoldering sensuality don't always win.

Raised by two mothers...wow, most of us barely survive one

I don't get depressed; I grow a tumor instead.

When I naturally write a story and I feel that the guy is sitting across the table from the girl and flirting with her... I think, 'God, that can't be me' because I'm just too old for that part. You need a 30-year-old or a 35-year-old for that part. And so I've given myself less and less roles.