There is no justice, there is no rational structure to it [life]. That is just the way it is, and each person figures out some way to cope.

Cynicism is reality with an alternate spelling.

My ex-wife was a philosophy major at NYU. Yeah, she and I used to have deep philosophical discussions where she would prove that I didn't exist.

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

I'd always wanted to be a dramatic. Comedy comes more naturally to me. I can do it with more facility. So I feel more comfortable with it.

I have no idea what I am doing but incompetence has never prevented me from plunging in with enthusiasm.

When we lose twenty pounds... we may be losing the twenty best pounds we have! We may be losing the pounds that contain our genius, our humanity, our love and honesty.