What advice would I give the average homeowner to protect himself against burglars? Well, the first thing is to keep a light on in the house when you go out. It must be at least a sixty-watt bulb; anything less and the burglar will ransack the house, out of contempt for the wattage.

In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.

Show business is dog eat dog. It's worse than dog eat dog. It's dog doesn't return dog's phone calls.

Dying is like making love, except you don't get naseous afterwards.

A stockbroker is someone who invests other people's money until it is all gone.

The heart wants what it wants.

My father worked for the same firm for 12 years. They fired him and replaced him with a tiny gadget that does everything my father does, only much better. The depressing thing is my mother ran out and bought one