What advice would I give the average homeowner to protect himself against burglars? Well, the first thing is to keep a light on in the house when you go out. It must be at least a sixty-watt bulb; anything less and the burglar will ransack the house, out of contempt for the wattage.

I should have known something was wrong with my first wife. When I brought her home to meet my parents, they approved of her.

Don't you see the rest of the country looks upon New York like we're left-wing, communist, Jewish, homosexual pornographers? I think of us that way sometimes and I live here.

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.

I believe in sex and death- two experiences that come once in a lifetime.

I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.

I'm a terrible musician. While the band members are great, I'm tolerated and affectionately regarded because I do movies, but if I had to make my living as a musician I would starve. I'm like a Sunday tennis player.