I can't do anything to death, doctor's orders.

Ads answered out of desperation in the New York Review of Books proved equally futile as…the 'Bay Area Bisexual' told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.

I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.

Can you believe that? She says I'm not leader enough for her. Who was she looking for... Hitler?

A wife lasts only for the length of the marriage, but an ex-wife is there for the rest of your life.

Cynicism is reality with an alternate spelling.

My ex-wife was a philosophy major at NYU. Yeah, she and I used to have deep philosophical discussions where she would prove that I didn't exist.