A stockbroker is someone who invests other people's money until it is all gone.

That's the way I feel about the world: there are certain problems that can only be dealt with that way - going out and doing them. As ugly a truth as that is, I do think it's the truth about the world.

I've never dated a fictional character before. The closest I ever came was an Italian.

Is old age really so terrible? Not if you've brushed your teeth faithfully.

A deranged person is supposed to have the strength of ten men. I have the strength of one small boy... with polio.

Paranoia is knowing all the facts.

He's a politician. That's a notch below child molester.