A stockbroker is someone who invests other people's money until it is all gone.

My father worked for the same firm for 12 years. They fired him and replaced him with a tiny gadget that does everything my father does, only much better. The depressing thing is my mother ran out and bought one

Some people think about sex all the time; some people think of sex some of the time; and some people never think about sex: they become lawyers.

There is something about big cities that turns me on, and for whatever mysterious reason, places like New York and Paris inspire me. I think it's because cities represent civilization, and as crime-ridden and broken down as some of them are, it's still better than skipping through a meadow.

I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100.

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.

I call that mind free which jealously guards its intellectual rights and powers, which calls no man master, which does not content itself with a passive or hereditary faith, [and] receives new truth as an angel from Heaven.