My films are a form of psychoanalysis, except that it is I who am paid, which changes everything.

My grandfather was a very insignificant man, actually. At his funeral his hearse followed the other cars.

Basically I am a low-culture person. I prefer watching baseball with a beer and some meatballs.

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.

Gauguin flew into a frenzy! He held my head under the X-ray machine for ten straight minutes and for several hours after I could not blink my eyes in unison." — "If The Impressionists Had Been Dentists

I was walking through the woods, thinking about Christ. If He was a carpenter, I wondered what He charged for bookshelves.

God, you Jews are truly exotic." Exotic? She should only know the Greenblatts. Or Mr. and Mrs. Milton Sharpstein, my father's friends. Or for that matter, my cousin Tovah. Exotic? I mean, they're nice, but hardly exotic with their endless bickering over the best way to combat indigestion or how far back to sit from the television set.