There's nothing good about getting older-absolutely nothing-because the amount of wisdom and experience you gain is negligible compared to what you lose. You do gain a couple of things-you gain a little bittersweet and sour wisdom from your heartbreaks and failures and things-but what you lose is so catastrophic in every way.

Gauguin flew into a frenzy! He held my head under the X-ray machine for ten straight minutes and for several hours after I could not blink my eyes in unison." — "If The Impressionists Had Been Dentists

My gift was in comedy. I found out I could make jokes. I could tell jokes. I could write them. So over the years, that's what I've done.

I was walking through the woods, thinking about Christ. If He was a carpenter, I wondered what He charged for bookshelves.

I love the rain - it washes memories off the sidewalk of life.

Can you believe that? She says I'm not leader enough for her. Who was she looking for... Hitler?

The difference between sex and death is, death you can do alone and nobody laughs at you.