I wish I could think of a positive point to leave you with. Will you take two negative points?

Maugham then offers the greatest advice anyone could give to a young author: "At the end of an interrogation sentence, place a question mark. You'd be surprised how effective it can be."

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Because it's much more pleasant to be obsessed over how the hero gets out of his predicament than it is over how I get out of mine.

Life's hard, then you die.

My grandfather had a wonderful funeral... On the buffet table there was a replica of the deceased in potato salad.

If the [actors] are working, and I have a dinner engagement, I don't do 20 takes. I do five takes and go home. I want to go to dinner.