I was walking through the woods, thinking about Christ. If He was a carpenter, I wondered what He charged for bookshelves.

I asked the girl if she could bring a sister for me. She did. Sister Maria Teresa. It was a very slow evening. We discussed the New Testament. We agreed that He was very well adjusted for an only child.

My gift was in comedy. I found out I could make jokes. I could tell jokes. I could write them. So over the years, that's what I've done.

I sued American Apparel because they calculatingly took my name, my likeness and image and used them publicly to promote their business.

She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest in a yak.

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.

Child molestation is a touchy subject... Read the papers! Half the country's doing it!