I sued American Apparel because they calculatingly took my name, my likeness and image and used them publicly to promote their business.

In real life, Keaton believes in God. But she also believes that the radio works because there are tiny people inside it.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

I don't believe in God. Just try getting a plumber on the weekend.

What people who don't write don't understand is that they think you make up the line consciously — but you don't. It proceeds from your unconscious. So it's the same surprise to you when it emerges as it is to the audience when the comic says it. I don't think of the joke and then say it. I say it and then realize what I've said. And I laugh at it, because I'm hearing it for the first time myself.

Pale, nervous girls with black-rimmed glasses and blunt-cut hair lolled around on sofas, riffling Penguin Classics provocatively. [...] But it wasn’t just intellectual experiences—they were peddling emotional ones, too. For fifty bucks, I learned, you could “relate without getting close.” For a hundred, a girl would lend you her Bartok records, have dinner, and then let you watch while she had an anxiety attack.

The meaning of life is that nobody knows the meaning of life.