I know of only six genuine comic geniuses in movie history; Charlie Chaplin, Buster Keaton, Groucho Marx & Harpo Marx, Peter Sellers, and W.C. Fields.

We laughed over it, and Hemingway punched me in the mouth.

Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.

Human beings are divided into mind and body. The mind embraces all the nobler aspirations, like poetry and philosophy, but the body has all the fun.

Arlene and I have to get a divorce. She thinks I'm a pervert because I drank our water bed.

I call that mind free which jealously guards its intellectual rights and powers, which calls no man master, which does not content itself with a passive or hereditary faith, [and] receives new truth as an angel from Heaven.

I've gained no wisdom, no insight, no mellowing. I would make all the same mistakes again, today.