I would not like to live in the past because you don't get anesthetic when you go to the dentist. You don't get antibiotics. You don't get the things that you are used to now, cell phones and televisions and things that are very convenient. You don't want that. But, it would be fun if you could, every now and then, just meet a friend for lunch at Maxim's in Paris in 1900, or go back to 1870 just for a couple of hours, take a walk in the park, and then come right back to Broadway.

I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said 'No.

I love nature, I just don't want to get any of it on me.

Curiosity, that's what kills us. Not muggers or all that bullshit about the ozone layer. It's our own hearts and minds.

Magic has always been of a great interest of mine. I was an amateur magician when I was young. I used to practice and read up on it a lot. I'm well-aware of the history of magic.

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?

Doing abominations is against the law, particularly if the abominations are done while wearing a lobster bib.