I just can't listen to any more Wagner, you know...I'm starting to get the urge to conquer Poland.

Standard mathematics has recently been rendered obsolete by the discovery that for years we have been writing the numeral five backward. This has led to reevaluation of counting as a method of getting from one to ten. Students are taught advanced concepts of Boolean algebra, and formerly unsolvable equations are dealt with by threats of reprisals.

Sygmnd was a poor Austrian who'd lost all the vowels in his name in a boating accident.

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

You're a genius! And the proof is that both common people and intellectuals find your work completely incoherent.

He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.