I just can't listen to any more Wagner, you know...I'm starting to get the urge to conquer Poland.

If it turns out that there is a God...the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.

I can't do anything to death, doctor's orders.

I never have an alter ego in the movies. That's a fiction that the press has made up over the years, and it's fun to write that. It gives them something to write.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.

Reality may not be the best of all possible worlds, but it's still the only place where you can get a decent steak.

There's an old joke - um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says, "Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know; and such small portions." Well, that's essentially how I feel about life - full of loneliness, and misery, and suffering, and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly.