Abysmal vermin that I am, I couldn't of course tell her that it was her incredible mother that I wanted to see again… I knew only as I drove through the cold, night autumn air that somewhere Freud, Sophocles and Eugene O’Neill were laughing.

It's just gossip, you know. Gossip is the new pornography.

People always tease me. They say, look at you, you went for so much psychoanalysis and you're so neurotic, you wind up marrying a girl so much younger than you.

The most important words in the English language are not 'I love you' but 'it's benign.'

Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.

I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying. I don't want to live on in the hearts of my countrymen; I want to live on in my apartment.