If it turns out that there is a God...the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.

For some reason I've always had an irrational love for New York. There's no reason that you would necessarily like it on paper. It's very expensive.

My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by a quaker.

Cynicism is reality with an alternate spelling.

Human existence is a brutal experience to me... it's a brutal, meaningless experience - an agonizing, meaningless experience with some oases, delight, some charm and peace, but these are just small oases. Overall, it is a brutal, terrible experience, and so it salvation is what can you do to alleviate the agony of the human condition, the human predicament? That is what interests me the most.

Dear Mom and Dad, Leave $50,000 in a bag under the bridge on Decatur Street. If there is no bridge on Decatur Street, please build one.

In my next life I want to live backwards. Start out dead and finish off as an orgasm.