If it turns out that there is a God...the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.

Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.

Doing abominations is against the law, particularly if the abominations are done while wearing a lobster bib.

My parents were very Old World. They come from Brooklyn, which is the heart of the Old World. Their values in life are God and carpeting.

The difference between sex and death is, death you can do alone and nobody laughs at you.

I do the movies just for myself like an institutionalized person who basket-weaves. Busy fingers are happy fingers. I don't care about the films. I don't care if they're flushed down the toilet after I die.

Throughout history in the theater and film people do like sarcastic characters, and they do like curmudgeons - if they're amusing, they do like them despite the fact that they're vitriolic, particularly if they're for the right thing. If you can see that the person is a decent person and is for the right thing, and is not just a nasty person with base motives, but someone who is a decent human but expresses himself.