That (sex) was the most fun I ever had without laughing.

I never have an alter ego in the movies. That's a fiction that the press has made up over the years, and it's fun to write that. It gives them something to write.

I recently turned 60. Practically a third of my life is over.

I don't know what the hell I'm doing here. I'm 237 years old, I should be collecting social security.

It's a match made in heaven...by a retarded angel.

There's nothing good about getting older-absolutely nothing-because the amount of wisdom and experience you gain is negligible compared to what you lose. You do gain a couple of things-you gain a little bittersweet and sour wisdom from your heartbreaks and failures and things-but what you lose is so catastrophic in every way.

Life's hard, then you die.