Whosoever loveth wisdom is righteous, but he that keepeth company with fowl is weird.

Manute Bol is so skinny they save money on road trips. They just fax him from city to city.

My father owned a small piece of land. He carried it with him wherever he went.

Some people think about sex all the time; some people think of sex some of the time; and some people never think about sex: they become lawyers.

My mother never had time for me. When you're the middle child in a family of five million, you don't get any attention.

I hate the beach. I hate the sun. I'm pale and I'm redheaded. I don't tan - I stroke!

Nothing like a little post-traumatic stress disorder to make your day complete.