I do believe that reality is dreadful and that you are forced to choose it in the end or go crazy, but that it kills you.

If the [actors] are working, and I have a dinner engagement, I don't do 20 takes. I do five takes and go home. I want to go to dinner.

Honey, you're the one who stopped sleeping with me, OK? It'll be a year come April 20th. I remember the date exactly, because it was Hitler's birthday

That’s one of the nice things about writing, or any art; if the thing’s real, it just lives.

I always thought it would be very funny if I was a blind film director.

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have you declared legally insane in order to gain control of your estate.

Honey, there's a spider in your bathroom the size of a Buick.