The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty.

I never have an alter ego in the movies. That's a fiction that the press has made up over the years, and it's fun to write that. It gives them something to write.

I'm not a big believer in the sense of Jews having a monopoly on comedy.

I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants.

As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.

My success has allowed me to strike out with a higher class of women.