My wife and I thought we were in love, but it turned out to be benign

For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided that a trip to Bermuda is over in two weeks, but a divorce is something you always have.

Those who can't do, teach. And those who can't teach, teach gym.

Me sitting down for dinner with Ingmar Bergman felt like a house painter sitting down with Picasso.

My brain? It's my second favorite organ!

I idolized Superman when I was younger. I thought he and I had a lot in common. He was always going into phonebooths and taking off all his clothes.

You can't ride two horses with one behind.