I would never wanna belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member.

I took a puff of the wrong cigarette at a fraternity dance once, and the cops had to get me, y'know. I broke two teeth trying to give a hickie to the Statue of Liberty.

Life is hard for insects. And don't think mice are having any fun either.

Astronomers say the universe is finite, which is a comforting thought for those people who can't remember where they leave things.

If my soul exists without my body I am convinced all my clothes will be loose-fitting

Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.

I've never dated a fictional character before. The closest I ever came was an Italian.