In every country, they make fun of city. In U.S. you make fun of Cleveland. In Russia, we make fun of Cleveland.

I fed my ego, but not my soul.

In Russia we only had two TV channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back at once to Channel One.

In America, you assassinate president. In Soviet Russia, president assassinate you!

Men and women are immigrants in each other's worlds.

In America, your job determines your marks. In Soviet Russia, Marx determine your job!

Russian men have a saying: "Women are like buses..." That's it.