The ad in the paper said 'Big Sale. Last Week.' Why advertise? I already missed it. They're just rubbing it in.

In America, you can always find a party. In Soviet Russia, The Party can always find you!

The ad in the paper said 'Big Sale. Last Week.' Why advertise? I already missed it. They're just rubbing it in.

The reason gas prices are so high is because the oil is in Texas and Oklahoma and all the dipsticks are in Washington.

In America, you assassinate president. In Soviet Russia, president assassinate you!

Americans think Soviets are so grim. I want them to see that they can smile.

In Soviet Russia, party always finds you!