In America, your job determines your marks. In Soviet Russia, Marx determine your job!

I believe that love and laughter can only happen when one person takes the time to think about what would cause the other person to feel good.

I found out that when you get married the man becomes the head of the house. And the woman becomes the neck, and she turns the head any way she wants to.

In Soviet Russia, party always finds you!

I was not only typecast as a Russian, but I was typecast as Yakov Smirnoff. This is understandable, and I was very happy to get the roles, but it would be nice to be in a movie where I could be someone else.

If you have something important to say, Broadway and New York are great places to say it.

In America, you can always find a party. In Soviet Russia, The Party can always find you!