In America, your job determines your marks. In Soviet Russia, Marx determine your job!

In Russia, if a male athelete loses he becomes a female athelete.

We have been learning since we were children how to make money, buy things, build things. The whole education system is set up to teach us how to think, not to feel.

Falling in love is a chemical reaction. But it wears off in a year.

I was not only typecast as a Russian, but I was typecast as Yakov Smirnoff. This is understandable, and I was very happy to get the roles, but it would be nice to be in a movie where I could be someone else.

In America, you break law. In Soviet Russia, law breaks you! In America, you watch Big Brother. In Soviet Russia, Big Brother watch you!

Never having alone time is real tough on people.