Many people are surprised to hear that we have comedians in Russia, but they are there. They are dead, but they are there.

I found out that when you get married the man becomes the head of the house. And the woman becomes the neck, and she turns the head any way she wants to.

I like American women. They do things sexually Russian girls never dream of doing - like showering.

I believe that love and laughter can only happen when one person takes the time to think about what would cause the other person to feel good.

In Soviet Russia, party always finds you!

I was a comedian in Russia, and I worked on the cruise ships there. I met a lot of Americans, and they were laughing even though I didn't speak their language.

In America, you can always find a party. In Soviet Russia, The Party can always find you!