Many people are surprised to hear that we have comedians in Russia, but they are there. They are dead, but they are there.

If you have something important to say, Broadway and New York are great places to say it.

I like American women. They do things sexually Russian girls never dream of doing - like showering.

Falling in love is a chemical reaction. But it wears off in a year.

I was not only typecast as a Russian, but I was typecast as Yakov Smirnoff. This is understandable, and I was very happy to get the roles, but it would be nice to be in a movie where I could be someone else.

In America, your job determines your marks. In Soviet Russia, Marx determine your job!

In today's society we sometimes forget to balance our hearts and our heads; this is the reason we stop laughing.