Many people are surprised to hear that we have comedians in Russia, but they are there. They are dead, but they are there.

In America, you break law. In Soviet Russia, law breaks you! In America, you watch Big Brother. In Soviet Russia, Big Brother watch you!

We may have forgotten how to feel. Nobody is teaching us how to live happily ever after, as we've heard in fairy tales.

In Soviet Russia, party always finds you!

Many people are surprised to hear that we have comedians in Russia, but they are there. They are dead, but they are there.

I came to America to make it my home, and I did.

Homosexuality in Russia is a crime and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with the other men. There is a three year waiting list.