In Soviet Russia, party always finds you!

I like American women. They do things sexually Russian girls never dream of doing - like showering.

In America, your job determines your marks. In Soviet Russia, Marx determine your job!

After the Soviet Union collapsed, people thought I wasn't funny anymore.

I was a comedian in Russia, and I worked on the cruise ships there. I met a lot of Americans, and they were laughing even though I didn't speak their language.

In Russia, if a male athelete loses he becomes a female athelete.

Homosexuality in Russia is a crime and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with the other men. There is a three year waiting list.