In America, you can always find a party. In Soviet Russia, The Party can always find you!

In every country, they make fun of city. In U.S. you make fun of Cleveland. In Russia, we make fun of Cleveland.

Russian men have a saying: "Women are like buses..." That's it.

It's kind of bittersweet. The human spirit is not measured by the size of the act, but by the size of the heart.

In today's society we sometimes forget to balance our hearts and our heads; this is the reason we stop laughing.

The ad in the paper said 'Big Sale. Last Week.' Why advertise? I already missed it. They're just rubbing it in.

In America, you break law. In Soviet Russia, law breaks you! In America, you watch Big Brother. In Soviet Russia, Big Brother watch you!