In America, you can always find a party. In Soviet Russia, The Party can always find you!

Many people are surprised to hear that we have comedians in Russia, but they are there. They are dead, but they are there.

I believe there is a direct correlation between love and laughter.

In America, you assassinate president. In Soviet Russia, president assassinate you!

In America, you break law. In Soviet Russia, law breaks you! In America, you watch Big Brother. In Soviet Russia, Big Brother watch you!

In Russia we only had two TV channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back at once to Channel One.

Balance is so important in our lives. In our busy world, we can give ourselves balance between thinking and feeling.