Falling in love is a chemical reaction. But it wears off in a year.

We may have forgotten how to feel. Nobody is teaching us how to live happily ever after, as we've heard in fairy tales.

I like American women. They do things sexually Russian girls never dream of doing - like showering.

In America, you assassinate president. In Soviet Russia, president assassinate you!

We have been learning since we were children how to make money, buy things, build things. The whole education system is set up to teach us how to think, not to feel.

Many people are surprised to hear that we have comedians in Russia, but they are there. They are dead, but they are there.

In America, you break law. In Soviet Russia, law breaks you! In America, you watch Big Brother. In Soviet Russia, Big Brother watch you!