I wish everybody had the drive he (Joe DiMaggio) had. He never did anything wrong on the field. I'd never seen him dive for a ball, everything was a chest-high catch, and he never walked off the field.

Why don't you pair'em up in threes?

I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk!

Never answer anonymous letters.

Buy a stock, if it goes up, sell it, if it goes down, don't buy it.

When I'm sittin' down to dinner with the family, stuff [another Yogiism] just pops out. And they'll say, 'Dad, you just said another one.' And I don't even know what the heck I said.

What Time Is It? You Mean Now?