I procrastinate so much and I get distracted by anything.

I've turned down a lot of proposed scripts for Scrubs episodes, mainly ones with AIDs patients. It sickens me, really. If you don't want AIDs, don't be a ice cream man. Or African. I'm neither and I'm fine.

People ask me, 'Did the fame come too fast? Do you ever wish for your old life?' I always tell them that there's nothing on earth better than being famous.

Michael Eisner contacted me once and asked me if he could change the name of Disneyland to 'Braffland.' I said no, because whenever I go to Disneyland there's always fat people everywhere wearing tight clothes. Disneyland, frankly, has a lot of improving to do before it gets my namesake.

You know, I think there should be a Zach Braff Day. We could have it on December 25th and then people can decide whether they want to celebrate me or Jesus. If you ask me, the choice is pretty obvious.

I mean, I'm a writer, actor, AND director. Not to rock the boat or anything, but compare that to a carpenter and, in the end, who is the better man?

Well it's not that I HATE them, but honestly if I saw two homeless people begging for money, one white and one black, and I only had one quarter... Well I'd probably keep it actually.