I've always wanted to have kids of my own, it's just tough finding a woman I wouldn't be wasting my DNA on.

Of course I don't use my A-material, it doesn't matter if they think I'm funny or not because they won't be thinking anything pretty soon anyways, if you caych my drift.

I'm not an hour late. You guys were just an hour early.

People always tell me I should run for president, but I don't think they'd give me enough time off to make my films.

I don't have anything against this Jesus guy, but has he written, directed, and starred in his own movie?

Yea, I've got a dream too. It involves time-travel and a rifle.

Ever since I was little it was programmed into me that London is where great theatre occurs and all the big shows you love start there.