I'd like to think that my scripts are more significant than maybe the Bible or the book that the Jews use, whatever it's called. And that's only when I'm having an off day.

I have a great relationship with my parents. I have not been on lithium.

People have called me fake, but personally, I don't think I'm fake because I'm so insincere.

I figure it this way - if a woman claims she didn't want me to fudge her, then you already know she's a liar. So what the hell's the point of a trial, y'know?

Whenever I'm feeling a bit down, I always visit the local children's hospital. Knowing that those cancer-kids wont be able to live long enough to surpass me in fame just warms my heart, you know?

Yeah i thought about making the character of JD gay... But then i thought, but what about all the poor girls dreams you'll be crushing

You know, I think there should be a Zach Braff Day. We could have it on December 25th and then people can decide whether they want to celebrate me or Jesus. If you ask me, the choice is pretty obvious.