Somebody approached me about writing a biography on me, I told them they were too late.

I have a great relationship with my parents. I have not been on lithium.

I like hot dogs. I like eggplant. I like pizza and creamed corn and beer. But I don't like Arabs.

Some people just don't want to put in the effort. I just show up and say some lines and I'm famous. Anyone living below the poverty line just needs to shape up or be shipped out, you know?

That Hugh Laurie show is nothing but Scrubs fan fiction.

It's always weird being the only white person in a group. It feels like everyone's looking to me for guidance.

The only real difference between hookers, stippers, sluts and regualar women how many times you can hit them before they cry. Hookers can really take a punch, I'll tell you that much.