Somebody approached me about writing a biography on me, I told them they were too late.

Complete garbage. It's like Garden State, but in outer space.

If God wanted women to be treated equally to men, he'd have given them penises.

You want to know the secret of my success? Let me tell you about eugenics.

I really like just super dry comedy.

That Hugh Laurie show is nothing but Scrubs fan fiction.

Of course killing people is 'wrong', but I think history shows that sometimes it serves the greater good.