I really like just super dry comedy.

I wouldn't say I'm bigger than Jesus. If I had to guess, I'd say probably, yeah, but as far as I know, the bible is never clear on this.

Am I really gonna deny someone the opportunity of a lifetime just because they met me 5 easters early?

I'm not lazy, I drive everywhere myself, the dog could've learned something from me.

Well it's not that I HATE them, but honestly if I saw two homeless people begging for money, one white and one black, and I only had one quarter... Well I'd probably keep it actually.

It's not that I'm racist or anything, because I'm not, but I just don't think we should be wasting our time helping people that are going to die soon anyway.

If nothing else, I'm making a movie that I'll enjoy.