Complete garbage. It's like Garden State, but in outer space.

I've turned down a lot of proposed scripts for Scrubs episodes, mainly ones with AIDs patients. It sickens me, really. If you don't want AIDs, don't be a ice cream man. Or African. I'm neither and I'm fine.

That Hugh Laurie show is nothing but Scrubs fan fiction.

I love the holiday season, almost as much as I love touching myself in front of orphans.

It raises several serious questions. For example, how can there possibly be more than one person as awesome as me?

I always liked the story of Noah's Ark and the idea of starting anew by rescuing the things you like and leaving the rest behind.

Every time I see a child walking down the street I like to trip them. While they look for their missing teeth, I personally remind them that no matter how hard they try I will always be better than them.