Now that 'Scrubs' is over, people seem to feel more comfortable telling me that I was a total douche to them for the past 8 years. And the whole time I'm thinking, 'Who ARE you?'

Look on the bright side; that's one bullet that's not going to hit me.

I never looked at bread the same way again

Women are like parking spots, the best ones are handicapped.

I guess sometimes God just needs to laugh

My job as an actor has inspired generations of children to become doctors. My job as a writer has opened up the minds of millions. My job as a director has produced masterpieces that will be taught in film school for ages.

Sure, they are the future of our world. Nike and Reebok need more factory workers every day.