I'm always being told by directors that I add chemistry to scenes, so I mean how difficult could it be?

I'm not lazy, I drive everywhere myself, the dog could've learned something from me.

It's trust issue more than anything. I mean, whats stopping them from teaming up, dressing up like a really tall person in a trenchcoat, and then BAM. They sneak out with all your furniture

It's just people trying to get on TV, not like it's really going to do them any good since people can just watch me.

I'd never hit a woman unless I was already out of Viagra.

Michael Eisner contacted me once and asked me if he could change the name of Disneyland to 'Braffland.' I said no, because whenever I go to Disneyland there's always fat people everywhere wearing tight clothes. Disneyland, frankly, has a lot of improving to do before it gets my namesake.

It's... it's such a weird thing. After Garden State, so many companies wanted to make my movies, and after The Last Kiss, I realized people would make anything I was in. As long as I keep this up I'll be swimming in chubby indie girl pussy.