It's not that George Bush doesn't care about black people, god made hurricanes, not people who can't swim.

You always see black people complaining about this and that, but you never see me complaining about how slow they work on my plantation.

If you're dumb enough to volunteer for the army, I don't see why we're supposed to feel so bad when you get shot. I'm not saying we should throw a party or anything, but is it such a tragedy? If I'd gotten shot before I made 'Garden State', yeah, that's a tragedy, but some red-state hick getting his legs blown off? Come on.

If Democrats want to start winning elections in this country, they're going to have to start connecting with voters as well as I connect with my fans.

I think I suffer from some mild depression.

One time I considered making a video game about my life where people control a character called 'Zach Braff' and run around being awesome. Then I realized that getting to pretend to be me would be like shooting up heroin for anyone who played it, and I don't want that on my conscience.

Most people just aren't grateful for the lives they have, and it really saddens me. For instance, I said 'hello' to a man the other day, and he didn't even recognize me. It just really saddens me.