It's not that George Bush doesn't care about black people, god made hurricanes, not people who can't swim.

Look on the bright side; that's one bullet that's not going to hit me.

I once fisted two babies and then used the corpses as boxing gloves to fight off the grieving parents.

If a benevolent God exists, so does reincarnation. He wouldn't send me here just once.

I had a dream once. I wanted to do a line of cocaine off a hooker's ass. That's when I realized, 'Hey, I'm freakin' Zach Braff.' I did it the next morning.

I'm not the kind of person who digs through things other people have thrown away.

If you're dumb enough to volunteer for the army, I don't see why we're supposed to feel so bad when you get shot. I'm not saying we should throw a party or anything, but is it such a tragedy? If I'd gotten shot before I made 'Garden State', yeah, that's a tragedy, but some red-state hick getting his legs blown off? Come on.