If it were up to me, it'd be outlawed. I mean, come on. Zach Braff was born streamlined, and that's how it should stay!

It raises several serious questions. For example, how can there possibly be more than one person as awesome as me?

People have called me fake, but personally, I don't think I'm fake because I'm so insincere.

I like hot dogs. I like eggplant. I like pizza and creamed corn and beer. But I don't like Arabs.

That Hugh Laurie show is nothing but Scrubs fan fiction.

I guess sometimes God just needs to laugh

I was originally set to star in 'The Bourne Identity,' but I found it too difficult to even pretend to forget who I was.