If it were up to me, it'd be outlawed. I mean, come on. Zach Braff was born streamlined, and that's how it should stay!

People have called me fake, but personally, I don't think I'm fake because I'm so insincere.

You want to know the secret of my success? Let me tell you about eugenics.

I tried it a few times but didn't see the point. I'm Zach Braff. What the fudge do I need a team for besides holding me back and sucking? If I wanted that, I'd just walk on the set of 'Scrubs'.

If I had a billion dollars I would...oh wait...already do.

Yeah i saw An Inconvenient Truth, and i dont want to say it was preachy but let's not kid ourselves, i've got far more important work to do

Its not that I'm in love with myself, I'm just trying to pick up everyone else's slack.