They don't know I'm staring, what does it matter if I keep on doing it?

Well, you need to have at least one black friend, otherwise people think you're racist

I've always tried to learn from the greats: Orson Welles, Humphrey Bogart, Ghandi, Buddha, Jesus... it's just that there's this tremendous pressure to correct all the things they got wrong.

The Jews are just clumsy bakers.

Oh sure, I have a few black people in my family tree. They're probably still hanging there.

In theater or movies you see either 'I'm religious' or 'I'm an atheist.' I've never seen too much discussion of 'I believe there's a higher power but I'm hesitant to reach out to him because I don't know if I'm worthy of his attention.

I'm not lazy, I drive everywhere myself, the dog could've learned something from me.